I so don't have time to write this, but I need to write!!!
The SAHM vs Working mother debate started on Twitter yesterday. I got so upset by some of the things that I read that I had to have a day off Twitter!
I reluctantly watch the debate on 'This Morning' and am shaking!
Here's MY views.
I am a SAHM.
When I was pregnant, I was set on the fact that once T was born I would take my 3 months full maternity pay and then return to work for 45 hours a week and put him in with a childminder that I knew.
The second he was born (maybe 24 hours later to be truthful I was TERRIFIED of him for the first 24 hours) I changed my mind.
When the end of my paid maternity leave was in sight I wrote this blog I was so confused about what was the 'right' thing to do.
I returned to work 6 hours a week, to keep my foot in the door. This was on a Wednesday 9 -3. As on a Wednesday both my in-laws were off and could look after T.
This was great until work decided it was better for me to work 11-2 on a Tuesday and Thursday. I would make £21 in those 3 hours, but I would have had to put T in nursery from 9 - 3 and include lunch. This would cost £30 plus my travel costs of £3 so I was down £12 a day.
So I took the plunge and I left.
I've never been happier!
I love that I see all of T's 'Firsts' I love that he's so intelligent because of all the time I've spent teaching him. I love being able to step back and say that my decision was the right one for me and T.
T could potentially start pre-school in November and get his 16 hours free placement. I have 4 options which I put into preference order. 9-3 Mon/Tue and 9-12 Wed/ 12-3 Wed, 9-3 Thu/Fri/ 9-12 every morning or 12-3 every afternoon.
The full day options were my first preference. Thinking I was more able to find a job that i could fit round. But I won't know what option I have been given until he gets his place! If it's the morning/afternoon ones, I'm still not going to be able to work. No job that I am aware of will give me the option to work 12:30-2:30!
I look for jobs every day, I am so frightened that more cuts are made to benefits and I'd rather be able to scrape by than have the rug pulled out from under my feet.
I know a lot of working Mums, infact I think of them all I'm the only SAHM.
One mum works 2 days a week, whilst family look after the baby. She owns her own business.
Mums who work where I used to work, managed to sort out better hours and send their kid to childcare whilst at work.
My mum was a working mum, she set up her own business just after I was born.
Hat's off to them all! That was how they decided it was best to raise their kids and they have stuck by it and are happy!
I believe that mothers who have careers should be able to carry on with their dreams, without paying the price. The cost of childcare in this country doesn't make that easy no matter how much help the government give you. I admire them hugely!
If I'm honest I've always had 2 'career' goals.
My first was to be a Sports Physio, which I worked at for many years, but was unable to achieve due to health problems.
My second was to be a great mother.
I achieved my career goal.
I do intend to return to work as soon as I am able to, without it affecting my family beliefs.
I believe one of the reasons I decided I wanted to be a great mum was from the following story:
I worked on Kids camp back in 2003, it was a camp for school trips, but in July/August it turned into a summer camp. I worked on the reception over the summer, so I got to wander about when it was quiet and chat to the kids.
There was a boy called Josh, age 7/8. He was American. He took a bit of a shine to me, and use to seek me out when he had free time. I spent the full 6 week camp getting to know him. He went to boarding school from the first week in September till the middle of July. He had a week at home for Christmas. When he finished in July, his parents put him on a plane to the UK and he attended our Summer camps for the 6 weeks holidays.
On his last day, before he got driven to the airport for his flight, he was in hysterics, crying and saying that he didn't want to leave me. He told me he "loved me more than his mom, because I took the time to be with him, talk to him and listen to him"
All he wanted was a Mummy.
I appreciate that this is an extreme and most working mothers would at least get the chance to put their kid to bed. But this broke my heart and I vowed there and then that when I had kids I would spend as much time with them as I could.
Anyways to summarise my wafflings:
SAHM are GREAT, working mums are GREAT! We all do what we believe is right for OUR child.
What makes us bad mums is passing judgement on other peoples way of life and what they do with their kids.
We're all Mums, working or not and we should just support each other because being a Mum is hard work sometimes!
I think that's all I needed to say.
Please feel free to leave comments, but any hateful or bitchy ones will be removed. I'm all about positivity and don't have time for unnecessary hate or anger!